Drink Craft & Be Merry

For the first time ever The Classy Alcoholic is opening up the doors of the blog in order to host a guest. My friend Michele Buttrum is a fellow beer lover who also makes some retail store-worthy home decor from scratch using only the tools in her garage and a glass of craft beer by her side. I’ve seen her projects in person so I thought I’d give her a chance to share her process with everyone. Take it away, Michele!


I knew I wanted a sign on the empty wall above my coffee pot but I needed to find the perfect quote for it.

  1. Black, like my soul
  2. I pretend coffee helps but I’m still a bitch
  3. Rise and grind

Although those two first options are completely true, I thought “rise and grind” was a bit more motivating (and in-law approved)!

For this sign, I decided to create my first farmhouse style sign. You know, the Chip & Joanna Gaines-inspired cult thing that’s all the rage now. I ventured out to the garage to see what I could put together. I found (4) 1 x 4’s that were all cut the same length from a previous project. Score! I also had one piece of 1 x 2 that was long enough to become my frame.

Supplies list:
Scrap wood or wood cut to the size you want
Miter saw
Orbital sander or sand paper
Drill bit
Varying grit sand paper
Paint color of choice – I used Rust-Oleum Zinsser white primer
Wood stain of choice – I used Minwax Dark Walnut
Paint brush and/or roller
Staining cloth – I use old cotton shirts
Kreg Jig & wood screws
Wood glue
Stapler gun – optional
Vinyl – optional
Metal corner braces – highly recommended
Sawtooth hanging bracket
2000’s country radio – optional
Craft beer – not optional

Gather your supplies.


Notice that beautiful blue label on that beer bottle? That right there is my favorite craft beer. Yup, I’m a beer girl. Let me clarify – I’m a craft beer girl! And I want you to appreciate craft beer as well. You know why? It’s simple, really. See the word craft, well that’s what you’re reading this for right? You want to craft or create something. Well, making craft beer is someone’s passion and someone’s craft, and I think creating great things while drinking great things go hand in hand.

Today’s craft beer joining us on our project is Xocoveza by Stone Brewing.

I asked Alexa (because I’m a millennial and opening music apps on my phone is too hard) to play me some 2000’s country and poured my delicious beer into a glass and got started. I used one of my favorite beer glasses, by the way. Etched in it is “beer snob” because, well, beer > wine. You’ll be able to see the etched wording in some of the pictures.

I prepared my 1 x 4’s for painting and sanding by using my orbital sander. I used two different grits, 80 to 150, to ensure my wood was smooth to the touch. With sand paper, you want to start at a lower grit and move to a higher grit to remove the imperfections in the wood.

Next, I took some sips of that delicious goodness sent from above. Xocoveza beer is described as a Mocha Stout. Um yum! Cool story about this beer is it won a homebrewer competition hosted by Stone Brewing and became bottled. This beer was supposed to be a one-time thing, but it ended up with a cult following! It’s that good!

After sanding and cleaning away the dust on the 1 x 4’s the next step was to paint. I used a 2-inch paint brush and put on a couple light coats of Rust-Oleum Zinsser white primer.


Oh man, check out that beauty! You can also see my Christmas present, a new DEWALT drill. Love it!


You know what’s the best thing to do when you’re waiting for paint to dry? Drinking a cinnamon, chocolate, nutmeg, peppery, coffee delicious beer while listening to Taylor Swift tell you about the teardrops on her guitar! Where my basic bitches at?!


When the paint was mostly dry, I flipped over my white 1 x 4 boards and laid them on top of a towel to protect the paint as I drilled pocket holes into the back. I used my Kreg Jig, wood glue, and Kreg screws to attach the boards together. Using a Kreg Jig is superrrr easy and makes joining wood a breeze! There are two components to the Kreg Jig for creating pocket holes – a hole maker and a drill bit. You line up the arrows on the hole maker to the thickness of your wood and you do the same for the ring on the drill bit. Both are set at ¾” – the thickness of my 1 x 4’s. Easy peasy!


Now that I had my white boards attached to each other, I could then measure the lengths of my 1 x 2’s to create the frame. I did not miter these cuts, but you certainly can to create nice corners. I felt that since I was going for a farmhouse look, that square cuts would look better. I gave these boards just a light sanding because I wanted to keep them rustic looking.


The sign is taking shape!


I stained the 1 x 2’s with Minwax Dark Walnut. For staining, I just use an old cotton T-shirt. There’s no need to get fancy with a staining sponge!


Did I mention it’s 11 am on a Friday and I’ve already finished my beer? Can you say, “breakfast beer”!!! But it’s okay though, it was like I just finished drinking a Mexican hot chocolate (with alcohol). No biggie!

I decided to use my stapler to add a staple to each corner of the frame to give a more rustic look. This step is completely optional. The staples I used were not large enough to securely hold the frame together and are there for decoration purposes only. To secure the corners of the wood frame around the white boards, I attached metal corner brackets to the back and also used wood glue at the corners. Using these brackets created a secure fit around the white boards. I did not do anything to attach the white boards to the frame because the corner brackets made everything fit snugly. I added one sawtooth hanger with finishing nails on the back of the upper frame so it can hang on the wall.



For the text, I decided to go with a dark gray vinyl to match my kitchen. I used my Cricut machine to cut out the text. After I decided on the placement, I transferred the vinyl to the board by rubbing it firmly with a tennis ball to ensure the vinyl was sticking fully to the wood.


And there you have it! My completed farmhouse sign for my kitchen! If you have the space, I think it would look nice leaning against a wall in a coffee bar area. Oh, and let’s not forget to give Xocoveza a try! If you are unsure of where to find it, you can visit Stone Brewing’s website to find their beer in your location. You won’t be disappointed with the chocolate and coffee flavors that will invade your mouth with a teensy tiny bit of spice! Think of the best Starbs drink you ever had and multiply that by ten!


Follow me on Instagram to see what I’m drinking, what I’m creating, and where I’m biking!


I Get Drunk With A Little Help From My Friends


So 2017 fucking sucked, right? Yeah, it did for me too but despite all the shit I had to suffer through for the last twelve months I have to admit that it was also the best year that the Classy Alcoholic had since I started this blog back in 2014. I somehow managed to make a shit-ton of new friends in the Arizona craft beer and booze community despite the fact that I hate being around people and kinda just want to die alone really soon.

My success this past year didn’t just come from my brilliant writing and unparalleled charm. It also grew thanks to the people who were so willing to associate themselves with a disreputable character like me even if it could possibly have done irreparable damage to their brand or business.

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Beer n’ Loathing Podcast

BnL Podcast Episode 063: Happy Holidaze!

I’m a little late on this but I was a guest on the holiday episode of the Beer N’ Loathing podcast put together by a few guys in Colorado and Michigan. In this episode I share the story of when I was in college 10 years ago and got stupid hammered then peed on the door of a frat house out in Tucson, AZ. Those were some good times.

My segment starts at about 20 minutes in but you should listen to the whole thing anyway. Check it out at the link below:


Spirits Are The New Craft

A review of:
Adventurous Stills – Tempe, AZ
Located at 2125 E 5th St, #102, Tempe, AZ 85281
Open Fri 5p-8p; Sat 2p-7p

Three Wells Distilling Company – Tucson, AZ
Located at 3780 E 44th St, #120, Tucson, AZ 85713
Open Sat 5p-8p

I’ve been writing about Arizona craft beer and wine for just under three years now and found enormous success in a very short time. Most people would be happy with my level of fame and coast on that early success without innovating until they die, Kurt Cobain style. But I decided to instead explore a completely different realm of the Arizona booze scene: local spirits.

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AZ Food & Beer

For the first time ever I’ve written articles for a website other than mine own. A buddy mine helped launch azfoodandbeer.com and I contributed a series of three articles about events in and around Tucson. These are a lot more politically correct than what I write here so they’re still informative and funny but I didn’t, like, write anything about my butthole or whatever. 

The first article is a review of the new Culinary Dropout restaurant that opened up in Tucson and you can read that here:  https://azfoodandbeer.com/new-restaurants/tearing-tucson-part-one

The second is a review of Button Brewhouse, one of Arizona’s newest breweries that just opened a few weeks ago. It’s located in Marana just northwest of Tucson proper. That article is here: https://azfoodandbeer.com/featured/tearing-tucson-part-2/

There is a third and final article that will be coming soon and I’ll post the link here when it’s on the AZ Food & Beer website. Remember, these articles are exclusively for them so if you want to read more of my hilarious, late-night, drunken, keyboard-mashing sessions go to their website. 

And yes, I know this space has been a bit quiet but don’t worry, I’ve got some new adventures planned and some brand new writing coming for the blog. I’ve just been busy on a super secret, epic writing project that will be announced sometime within the next few months. In the meantime, follow me on all the usual social media accounts to keep up with my adventures. 


Classy Invades Terrestrial Radio

This Saturday, 9/23, I’ll be on terrestrial radio as the celebrity co-host of a show in Tucson called “On The Menu…Live!” from 5p-6p. I’ll be talking about Arizona booze and food while desperately trying to avoid an FCC fine! Listen in to what could either be a really fun hour or the event that literally bankrupts me into oblivion if I can’t keep from discussing my genitals on the air.

For my younger readers: you know that thing in your car that you hook up your aux cord or Bluetooth to so you can listen to podcasts from your phone? Well that thing should also have a little knob that you can spin to hear music or other people’s voices jabbering about all kinds of horseshit. Turn one of those knobs to 104.1 FM KQTH, Tucson’s News and Talk on Saturday, 9/23 at 5pm to listen me drunkenly try to spew coherent sentences into an expensive microphone.

If you don’t have a radio or if you’re not in Tucson you can still hear me embarrass myself live by streaming the show on their website: OnTheMenuLive.com

How could anyone think I’d be a good fit for a public radio broadcast? I don’t know, I’m just as confused as you are!