#vote4classy for Best Of Tucson 2017

The Classy Alcoholic loves Tucson. And even more so today because I just found out I’m a finalist in the Tucson Weekly newspaper’s annual “Best Of Tucson” list. I’m up for Best Blog and it’s all thanks to my beloved beer and wine family! For those of y’all who had to Google or Bing or Ask Jeeves who the hell I am because you had no idea this blog even existed, I’d like to welcome you to my little corner of the internet!

I’m an Arizona-based beer and wine blogger who writes reviews of vineyards and microbreweries with a comedic twist. (By which I mean, I write lots of dick jokes.)

I split up my reviews by region so start out by reading my entires on Southern Arizona Breweries.

My specialty, though, is hilarious and absurd short stories that take place at real locations throughout Arizona and feature real people from the AZ craft beer scene.

I wrote a short story called “The Drunk Knight” that starts in Tucson and continues north throughout the state. Read it here! This story features a guest appearance from my pal Todd Button who is planning on opening his own microbrewery called Button Brewhouse in Tucson this summer.

Next, check out my favorite story that I’ve ever written called “Flux.” Click here to read! This takes place entirely in Tucson and features my pals from Harbottle Brewing Company (formerly known as Flux Brewing Company) as well as other friends from the Tucson beer scene.

The Classy Alcoholic strongly believes in supporting local Arizona businesses whenever he can. So go to tinyurl.com/vote4classy to cast your vote for my blog.

And for those of you who already know who I am, I thank you for your support from the bottom of my fat, drunk heart.

Salud!

Tombstone Brewing Company – Tombstone, AZ

Located at 107 E Toughnut St, Tombstone, AZ 85638
Open Sun-Sat 11a-7p
https://tombstone.beer

Part 3 of a 3-part series called “A Better Life.” Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The Classy Alcoholic had reached the end of the line. I traveled through half the state of Arizona looking for a way to improve my lifestyle while still maintaining my dedication to craft beer. But like a pet hamster trying to escape a closed fanny pack I came up against nothing but barriers. I met a fitness enthusiast and a cycling enthusiast who were both happy to take me under their respective wings but I knew that their paths weren’t for me. So I went south toward Tombstone, a place commonly referred to as “The Town Too Tough To Die.” I was looking for somewhere to bury my ambitions deeper than the pet hamster that accidentally got trapped in my fanny pack. I figured this might as well be the place.

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Tombstone Brewing Company opened in February of 2017 and in the short time they’ve been around they’ve developed a stellar reputation for making great beer. Their brewer is well studied with lots of experience in the industry and even a few awards under his belt. I almost felt like this place was too good for the likes of me. It was like walking in to a Macy’s when their stuff wasn’t on clearance.

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Catalina Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ

Located at 6918 N Camino Martin #120, Tucson, AZ 85741
Open Weds & Thurs 4-9p; Fri 4p-10p; Sat 12p-10p; Sun 11a-5p
http://www.catalinabrewingco.com

Part 2 of a 3-part series called “A Better Life.” Read Part 1 here.

I had left the town of Goodyear (a suburb of the Greater Phoenix area) and made my way south toward Tucson. I was feeling lost, still trying to find that different lifestyle that would speak to me and help me make some positive changes while still allowing me to drink lots and lots of booze. Luckily the Arizona craft beer scene was always willing to help.

I reached out to my Tucson fan base and ended up communicating with a young lady named Marisol who said she was willing to share her healthy, active lifestyle with me…and also she promised that it still involved beer. She asked if I could meet her at Catalina Brewing Company in the Northwest side of town.

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I walked into Catalina’s taproom and was immediately intimidated by the bicycle theme decorating the walls. Even the goddamn tap handles were made out of spare bike parts that I couldn’t name because I hadn’t been on a bicycle since I had to race through the Sonoran desert in my early 20’s dodging Border Patrol bullets just so I could smuggle my mom’s medicinal meth into the United States. (It was medicinal because my mom’s heart rate was super low after the Quaalude OD and she needed a pick-me-up.)

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Saddle Mountain Brewing Company – Goodyear, AZ

Located at 15651 W Roosevelt St, Goodyear, AZ 85338
Open Sun-Thurs 11a-10p; Fri & Sat 11a-11p
http://saddlemountainbrewing.com

Part 1 of a 3-part series called “A Better Life.”

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It’s been a rough couple of weeks for your favorite The Classy Alcoholic. Last you heard from me I reviewed the Taco Bell Chicken Chalupa Thing and stuffed Mexican food inside it then paired the results with Arizona craft beer. The whole experience sent me down a dark path. Before long I found myself hitting fast food joints in town at all hours of the night in a carb frenzy. I was chugging ranch dressing out of a beer bong and smoking pipes full of chicken nuggets.

It was a bad scene. After a few days of trying to figure out how to inject a French fry in between my toes I realized I needed to make some major changes before it became too late. I needed to go in search of A Better Life. So I reached out to a fan of mine named Justin Cross.

This guy was a homebrewer living in the Phoenix area who had plans to eventually open his own microbrewery. He was also a former Navy man who was in ridiculously good shape. He looked like a terrifying Hulk monster on his Instagram pics except not green. Normally I saw guys like him and felt sorry for them because they’ve never known the joy of a good beer and a hefty burger. But Justin loved craft beer and somehow still ended up being jacked as fuuuuuuck. We agreed to meet at Saddle Mountain Brewing Co. in the town of Goodyear. If anyone could point me toward the direction of a healthier lifestyle it would be this guy.

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The Naked Chicken Chalupa paired with AZ Beers

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Back during the 2015 holiday season I wrote a blog post in which I paired Arizona craft beers with the grossest, loneliest fast foods. It was a great article and we all had a solid laugh at how hilariously fat The Classy Alcoholic was and then we moved on to welcome 2016 with open arms ‘cause we just knew that was gonna be our fuckin’ year, man! But as proud as I am of the article I have to admit the experience changed something inside of me. And I’m not just talking about how I now have to submit annual reports to the government to ensure my bowels don’t violate the Chemical Weapons Convention treaty.

No, I’m talking about the existential pain caused by several long nights spent guzzling soggy clumps of deep fried cardboard only vaguely disguised as edible material into my face like a sad opossum that somehow developed both a drinking problem and an impeccable fashion sense. That’s when I realized The Classy Alcoholic had hit rock bottom…

But it’s 2017 now and after 16 months or so of exponential sadness and shame, as well as multiple breakups with my ex-girlfriend Rosario Vargas, I’ve come to realize that that shit was pretty much just rock middle at best. So when Taco Bell released something called a Naked Chicken Chalupa in January using a folded up fried chicken patty instead of a taco shell I decided to quietly suffocate any self-respect I had left under a pillow and then follow up that initial fast food article with a goddamn sequel!

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The Great Southwest Cajun Fest 2017

 

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The Classy Alcoholic has hit it big as Arizona’s #1 beer and wine blogger these last couple of years. But just like Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Coldplay and other great conquerors before me I knew I wasn’t going to just settle for the territories I had. I needed to expand my influence. And that’s why I’ve decided to branch out my blog to include food reviews. Because nothing goes better with beer and wine than tears. And then food after.

Up to this point my blog was always intended to support small businesses and I would never dream of doing this just to get free drinks from my Arizona craft beer family. But I can’t imagine food bloggers aren’t getting away with scoring free meals for themselves all the time so I decided to get in on the action. This means you can officially consider me a “traveling foodie.” I’m like Anthony Bourdain, minus heroin, plus sadness, divided by the fact that I’m Mexican.

I descended upon the 2nd annual Great Southwest Cajun Fest in Chandler, AZ on April 22, 2017 ready to meet some food vendors so I could promote them on my blog and then harass them for free shit. I grew up eating Cajun seafood as a little fat kid so I was excited to have some of it make its way to the desert. It was about 99 degrees in Chandler this day so food poisoning was pretty much guaranteed. But a few days of painful fish dumps seemed worth it for some of that sweet, sweet crawfish action.

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