Real, Wild & Woody 2016

The Classy Alcoholic returns to share his experiences at a yearly Phoenix beer festival called Real, Wild & Woody. I was lucky enough to be hosted at this beer fest by a local beer, wine & spirit distribution company known as Quail Distributing. This is my way of thanking them for being kind enough to ruin their reputation by associating themselves with me. Click the “Continue Reading” link below to check out the full post.

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Mother Bunch Brewing – Phoenix, AZ

Located at 825 N 7th St, Phoenix, AZ 85006
Open Mon-Thurs 11a-10p; Fri 11a-12a; Sat 10a-12a; Sun 10a-10p

Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of my last review which was in the form of an epic, Oscar-worthy screenplay, I can proudly inform y’all that The Classy Alcoholic scored a meeting with a high-powered Hollywood executive who called me up and told me that he was interested in adapting my blog into a feature film. He said he would come to Phoenix because that was the only town in Arizona he had ever heard of and suggested we meet at Mother Bunch Brewing which is located off of North 7th St just south of the I-10.

I was impressed that this guy from California knew about any Arizona microbreweries but I figured my blog must be getting enough traction outside of the state to bring real awareness of our craft beer scene. I told him I’d meet him right where he wanted.

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Papago Brewing Co. – Scottsdale, AZ

Located at 7107 E McDowell Rd, Scottsdale, AZ 85257
Open Sun-Thurs 12p-12a; Fri-Sat 12p-2a.

Papago (1)

This project has allowed me to travel to a lot of new places in Arizona, visit lots of wonderful breweries and drink lots and lots of fantastic beers. But after a while my travels can kinda blend together into a haze of half-remembered brews and leftover shame from all the times I’ve woken up pantsless in the backseat of a taxi cab that I probably tried to hijack, Collateral style.

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O.H.S.O. Eatery + nanoBrewery – Phoenix, AZ

Located at 4900 E Indian School Rd, Phoenix AZ 85018
Open Mon-Thu 11a to 12a; Fri 11a-1:30a; Sat 9a-1:30a; Sun 9a to 12a

I was very interested in going to this joint called O.H.S.O. mainly because they refer to themselves as a “nanobrewery.” That term basically amounts to large-scale homebrewers, like the Schraderbrau Brewing Company in New Mexico.


I was excited to learn about the operation because it’s been a personal goal of mine to start a nanobrewery after running a successful picobrewery out of my toilet for the past year. Mapping the location of Original Horse Stable Odyssey (or whatever) was a bit confusing when I realized the place was pretty close to downtown Scottsdale. I say confusing because Scottsdale is a pretty tony suburb and I imagined a nanobrewery would be such a small, upstart operation that it would be based out of a toolshed in the backyard of a South Phoenix house where Coyotes stash all their illegals.

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Cartel Coffee Lab – Tempe, AZ

Located at 225 W University Drive, Tempe, AZ 85281
Open 7 days per week from 10a-10p

This was a very exciting visit. Apparently Arizona is home to a coffee brewing company called Cartel Coffee Labs. All of their locations are in the greater Phoenix area, save for one shop in Tucson, and in the Spring of 2013 the Tempe location was granted a license to brew beer onsite.


I don’t know very much about Cartel because I’m not much of a coffee drinker at all. In fact, I’ve sworn off consuming any kind of stimulant ever since that time my dad caught me trying a little bit of the blow he always used to stash in the garage and, to teach me a lesson, he made me snort the whole bag. In his defense, though, he said that apart from teaching me a lesson there were also cops banging on the door right that second and that I would totally be doing him a solid if I got rid of the evidence. But my brief conversations with people who’ve been to Cartel reveal that they make great quality coffee and that it’s the favorite haunt of students or programmers who need some serious kick in their drink that’ll keep them up all night if need be.

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North Mountain Brewing – Phoenix, AZ

Located at 522 E Dunlap Ave, Phoenix, AZ 85020
Open Mon-Wed 3p-10p; Thurs 11a-10p; Fri & Sat 11a-11p and Sunday 11a-9p

I find Arizona interesting. It’s a vast desert with pockets of intense beauty scattered intermittently across a barren, sad, brown wasteland. The mountainous landscapes add a nice flavor to its cities and those who enjoy camping and hiking have plenty of terrain to choose from if they want to escape the company of people and the luxuries of air conditioning and HBO. If you look at any map of Arizona you’ll instantly see that Phoenix is the most prominent cityscape. It’s a mainstay in the list of the Top Ten biggest cities in the United States and often even flirts with the Top Five, the dirty slut. If you do a Free Association exercise using the word “Arizona” you’ll only ever hear people respond with “Phoenix” and “Grand Canyon” and “Blowjobs in an alley for meth money.”

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