1912 Brewing Co’s 4th Anniversary – Tucson, AZ

Saturday, July 6, 2019
12PM – 10PM
2045 N Forbes Blvd #105, Tucson, AZ 85745

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It’s 2019, which means two things: 1912 Brewing Co in Tucson is celebrating its fourth year in business and enough time has passed since the 90s that a bunch of annoying stuff from back then has come all the way around to being cool again. Just like I can drop a perfectly timed, “MY WIIIFE” and be considered the funniest guy in the clique you can feel free to roll out those old Austin Powers references, which is really tight.

Don’t think the 90s are back? Well Daddy Yankee’s current hit is a remake of Snow’s “Informer” song and I just spent the weekend getting kicked out of an Aladdin movie AND a Toy Story movie for being too drunk. So yeah, I think the 90s are back like motherfucking Backstreet was Back. And in that spirit 1912’s anniversary party this year will be Austin Powers-themed. You’re all encouraged to show up in costume dressed up in 60s/70s attire or as any of your favorite characters from the movies…you know the ones. The ones from the film. Okay, sorry, I’ve never seen the damn movie. But I did get to sample the five new beers (and two super-secret new products) that are being released on the 6th and I have an exclusive preview for y’all. Oh behave, baby! Is that a thing he says?

 

Zippylongstocking hef

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Only 90s kids will remember German-inspired wheat beers like this. Long before everything was a hazy IPA people used to drink beers with notes of banana and clove. Oh you thought this style was dead? As if! This delicious retro beer has a wild yeast blend that also gives it subtle notes of citrus and vanilla that complement the traditional hef flavors super well. I haven’t had a hef this good since I would talk to the hand! Because I used to get so goddamn high I would talk to my own hand for hours on end. The 90s were a dark time for me before I got clean, I’m not gonna lie.

GROOVY BABY!

 

Fookmi sour gose

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The name of this beautifully colored sour gose was inspired by one of the twins that appears in the movie “Goldmember.” It turned out so boldly purple mostly from being made with elderberries that got scrambled up like the pornography I tried to watch on TV as a kid. The flavor is enhanced by limes and the juice wheezed thereof. There’s a hint of blueberry and it even finishes off with some cinnamon that works very well with all the other flavors, to my pleasant surprise. This is 1912’s first beer using elderberry and it tastes so good it makes me wanna party like it’s 1999 because that was before I realized my parents’ divorce was my fault!

SHAGADELIC!

 

Fookyu sour gose

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The second half of the beers named after the film’s twins is another gose fruited with Asian pear juice and dry-hopped with ginger that was soaked in bourbon. Boy, did I know a lady in the 90s named Ginger who was always soaked in bourbon herself! It was Ginger Martinez, my elementary school math teacher and it was a very sad situation. She…had a real problem. Anyhoozle, the Fookyu gose doesn’t taste boozy at all so don’t get scared off if you’re not into that. The ginger is the more prominent flavor and the bourbon only leaves a slight oaky taste. This is a perfect beer for those who want a fruited gose that tastes great but isn’t super sweet as opposed to those of us who like our beers to taste like both sex and candy.

FIRE THE “LASER”!

 

Got My Mojito Working Again sour gose 

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I know what 1912 Brewing did last summer. At last year’s anniversary party they released an incredible mojito gose that absolutely stole the show. Bringing it back was a no-brainer but this year it was morphin’ time! Because now it’s made with slightly different versions of the ingredients. This batch was made with key limes instead of Mexican limes and an Italian mint that gives this a slightly grassier, earthier taste than whatever was used last year. It’s amazing how the same beer with only mild tweaks can surprise you with the subtle differences in its flavor. It reminds me of what my mom used to say after the divorce: “Life is like a box of chocolates. It’ll give you diabetes.”

PENIS PUMP!

 

Sorry, That Never Happens I Swear sour gose

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Alrighty then! The last of the new releases I’m allowed to tell you about is essentially a piña colada beer. It tastes of pineapple, orange, lemon and lime. It’s a beer I would drink while laying out on the beach in Puerto Peñasco. PSYCH! I’m not allowed back into Puerto Peñasco after I stole that one old man’s taco cart and also got caught trying to sell drugs to what ended up being a very realistic looking mannequin that I’m pretty sure was haunted. The Federales asked if I was innocent and I said I totally was. NOT!!! But yeah, this beer is really good. I sampled it before it had the added carrot juice that will eventually give it a strong orange color but won’t alter the flavor. Because sometimes presentation can be just as important as anything else. Whoever made that fucking narc-ass mannequin definitely knew that.

R.I.P. MINI-ME!

 

BONUS BEER – All Set In The West sour

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This beer is not a special anniversary release but I still wanted to highlight it here because it’s awesome and it’s available at 1912 right now. It’s a collab with Sam Adams. Yes, THAT Sam Adams. No, not THAT Sam Adams, that guy died in 1803. I’m talking about Sam Adams the brewery, not the founding father, duh. This beer was actually brewed in Boston using Sam Adams lager yeast and the same culture used for the Naughty Naranja sour, giving it hints of orange and grapefruit. Then, in a move that probably pissed off all those racist, northeastern, chowder-eating fucks to no end, the team added agave nectar and blended in cranberries and tamarindo. Can you imagine how offended those assholes must’ve been having to use something called “tamarindo”? How did they even pronounce it? This beer is great and gave me tons of good vibrations when I drank it but don’t give any to Marky Mark. It’ll make him so angry he might try to attack another Vietnamese man like he did when he was a teenager. Mark Wahlberg committed multiple hate crimes, let us never forget that.

Apart from the five new beers I listed above Allan wanted to make sure I let y’all know there would be two other special releases available at the party. They’re both a surprise and I’ve been sworn to secrecy so the only thing I can say is that I’ve sampled whatever these things are and that you’ll definitely wanna show up to try them.

1912 Brewing Co will be open for a few hours on Thursday, the 4th. It’ll be about 3p-5p so you can grab some beers before the fireworks and family time. But the official anniversary party will be Saturday the 6th. There will be a second bar in the back of the production area serving beer “mocktails” as well as a live band and Daniela’s Cooking food truck serving the amazing food they’re already well known for. There won’t be any flights served all day so you’ll have to commit to full pours but that won’t be an issue when the beers are this good.

Oh and if you don’t wanna be known as a total fart-knocker then be sure to tip your bartenders…or should I say, SHOW THEM THE MONEY!

New Cocktail Menu at Hub Restaurant & Ice Creamery – Tucson

Located at 266 Congress St, Tucson, AZ 85701
Open daily 11a-midnight
https://hubdowntown.com/

Hub Restaurant & Ice Creamery is located in downtown Tucson. It’s a nice, fairly upscale joint that probably replaced some stabby dive bar where you could easily get shitty coke in the bathroom from a guy with a neck tattoo and a denim vest because that’s pretty much all downtown Tucson used to be back in the day. But nowadays the whole area has been classed up and is practically unrecognizable to anyone who may have been the victim of knife crime there a mere ten years ago.

Within the last week or so Hub completely revamped their cocktail menu with nine drinks that each put a fun spin on classic styles. They’re complex but fairly quick to make so you won’t be waiting fifteen minutes for each thing and they’re familiar enough to be accessible but different enough to make you seem extra cool and knowledgeable when ordering. I was invited to an exclusive preview tasting alongside a bunch of suckers who write for legitimate publications with strictly enforced word limits. But this is the internet, baby. And The Classy Alcoholic isn’t limited by shit other than his liver function which somehow hasn’t given up yet! So let’s run through the new Hub cocktail menu and then drunkenly walk home slurping a pint of artisanal ice cream that is dripping down your chin and shirt ‘cause it’s rapidly melting in the desert heat.

THE WORKHORSE

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Do you know what an Old Fashioned is? Well you should because it’s a very simple cocktail that tastes great and became very popular with a bunch of poser assholes after they watched Mad Men and thought it would be fun to give suits, classic cocktails and alcoholism a try even though that’s been MY whole thing for well over a decade. It’s also the inspiration for this first drink. An Old Fashioned can be made with bourbon if you’re a normal person or with brandy if you’re a serial killer pretending you’re able to feel. The Workhorse is made with vanilla bean-infused rye whiskey and salted cacao bitters which makes it much sweeter than a regular degular Old Fashioned. The vanilla cuts down a lot on the strong, boozy burn from the whiskey if that’s usually too much for you.

 

EAST ENDER

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Do you know what a Negroni is? Well I don’t because it’s made with gin and I once drank so much of it one night in my early 20’s that I ended up puking and now every sip of gin tastes like the shame of my adulthood failures mixed with every sad childhood Christmas my dad didn’t show up to. But the East Ender is actually great because it tastes like a Negroni without the gin. It’s actually made with white whiskey, which is unaged so it has the strong, bitter corn flavor as opposed to the sweeter, smoother tinge of an aged whiskey. That taste will be familiar to any of us who spent our college years broke and drinking white-ass white tequila or clear but somehow still cloudy plastic bottle vodka. This drink offsets some of that with a bitter pomegranate liqueur but this is still a punch in the face. It’s a very strong cocktail that is meant to be sipped and not slammed.

 

PIECES OF EIGHT

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If the last two drinks are too strong and you need something that resembles diabetes in a glass then you’re in luck because Hub has a tiki-inspired drink made with black barrel rum, ruby port, cinnamon syrup and Swedish punsch, which is actually a liqueur that I spelled correctly and it’s not just me drunkenly slurring the word “punch.” This is sneakily strong so you definitely won’t need more than a couple. It tastes like spiked fruit juice which reminded me so much of prom because that’s what I was drinking all night when I crashed the high school gymnasium and totally ruined a bunch of high school kids’ time last year. In my defense, I didn’t know there was a prom happening, I thought I was just sneaking into an empty gym to do drugs.

 

BASIL BUCK

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This one is very simple. It’s got basil-infused vodka which basically makes this a vegetable drink which means I drank a whole salad’s worth of booze. It’s also made with ginger syrup, lime and soda which means it’s Hub’s version of a Moscow mule. It has a strong lime flavor and it tastes leafy but in that nice refreshing way; not in the, I just woke up on the front lawn with a face full of grass and dirt and there are a bunch of empty beer cans all around me and also I’m not wearing pants kind of way.

 

SUNSPOT

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Oh boy, was I scared of this one. I was dreading it once I saw it was made with gin, my old nemesis. Gin is the my ex-girlfriend of booze ‘cause I know I should stay away but whenever I see it on the menu I think this time things will be different but I keep being wrong because I get burned every time and also gin tells me it loves me but it always ends up banging my Cousin Chico. But believe it or not, this time it actually was different! With the drink, not with the ex. This was a surprisingly sweet cocktail made with an apricot liqueur that mixed very well with the gin. The sweetness really blended well with the juniper bite and gave it an almost entirely new flavor that didn’t remind me of my heavy gin guzzling days. The Sunspot actually helped me overcome my fear of gin cocktails which I didn’t think would ever happen.

 

SANDIA FRIA

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This is Spanish for “cold watermelon” and it’s basically a fancy ass margarita. Yes, it’s made with tequila but it also has watermelon syrup and hibiscus salt on the rim. Just look at this damn thing. Probably the best, most accessible drink on the menu that achieves that balance between the base spirit and the sweet syrup better than anything else I tried this day. The salt not only adds a lot to the cocktail but it looks damn good for all you assholes who love throwing this kind of stuff up on the ‘gram.

 

STUCK IN MY CABANA

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I spent plenty of time stuck in a cabana on a remote island being interrogated by Pitbull’s security team after they found me stowing away on his yacht. I only wish I had this delicious, icy drink with me. It’s made with raspberry brandy, coconut syrup and tepache. That last word refers to a Mexican fermented pineapple drink that is usually sold by street vendors or at taco shops but is now bottled into a liqueur by a big company because white people just can’t stop colonizing.

 

RODEO QUEEN

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This was inspired by a champagne cocktail called the French 76. It’s made with vodka, sparkling wine and blueberry syrup. It’s light on the alcohol content, fruity, refreshing and you could easily have a few of these with brunch or during a hungover breakfast. Because, like the mimosa, this drink makes early morning alcohol consumption seem acceptable and fun. Also the lack of actual champagne will probably piss off a Frenchman, which I’m totally okay with.

 

SANTA CRUZ FLOAT

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And finally we’re at the dessertiest thing on the menu. This is pretty much a boozy root beer float made with clear Del Bac whiskey, milk stout syrup and salted caramel ice cream. If you think it would be super sweet then you’re right, it is. But it also has this amazing smoky flavor thanks to the whiskey. It’s served in a tall mug that’s meant to be shared just like the good ole days when your grandpa would take his best girl down to the diner, buy her a float and smoke cigarettes indoors legally while sharing his disdain for people who were a different race than him. Boy am I glad my racist grandpa’s dead. He was…just the worst. Anyhoozle, this Santa Cruz float is awesome. Share one with a friend. Preferably a friend of a different race!

Salud!

Spirits Are The New Craft

A review of:
Adventurous Stills – Tempe, AZ
Located at 2125 E 5th St, #102, Tempe, AZ 85281
Open Fri 5p-8p; Sat 2p-7p
http://www.adventstills.com

And:
Three Wells Distilling Company – Tucson, AZ
Located at 3780 E 44th St, #120, Tucson, AZ 85713
Open Sat 5p-8p
http://www.threewellsdistilling.com

I’ve been writing about Arizona craft beer and wine for just under three years now and found enormous success in a very short time. Most people would be happy with my level of fame and coast on that early success without innovating until they die, Kurt Cobain style. But I decided to instead explore a completely different realm of the Arizona booze scene: local spirits.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 3

Dillinger Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ
Located at 3895 N Oracle Rd, Tucson, AZ 85705
Open Mon-Thurs 2p-9p; Fri 2p-11p; Sat 11a-11p; Sun 2p-9p
http://dillingerbrewing.com

Part 3 of a 4-Part story. Read Part 1 here. Read Part 2 here.

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Bryan Raney who passed away on 7/22/2017. He was a homebrewer from California and was a big supporter of my blog. He was known as Fighting Robot Brewing on Instagram. His family’s GoFundMe page is here: https://www.gofundme.com/bryan-sid-raney-memorial-fund

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I ran into Dillinger Brewing Company’s taproom practically carrying my pal, Mr. Button. He was in bad shape after he saved my life by diving in front of a bolt of lightning shot out of the hand of a cyborg named ClassyBot that was engineered to look like me and had my memories and personality installed in his CPU. Seriously, if you didn’t get on board with the story when it first started you probably shouldn’t even be reading this shit right now.

The brewery was a little hard to find. It was tucked away off the main road down a row of storage facilities behind a pawnshop in the methy side of Tucson. I knew that one of Dillinger’s owners, Eric Sipe, would be able to help Button. The two of them were friends and they even collaborated on a coffee Pale Ale beer called “Early Brew Special.” Before he opened the brewery Sipe spent some time roaming through the U.S. and I’ve heard stories about his ability to survive in rugged conditions. I just hoped that at least some of them were true.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 2

Serial Grillers Restaurant & Taproom – Tucson, AZ
Located at 5737 E Speedway Blvd, Tucson, AZ 85715
Second location at 1970 W River Rd, Tucson, AZ 85704
Open Sun-Thurs 11a-9p; Fri & Sat 11a-10p
http://www.serialgrillersaz.com

Part 2 of a 4-Part story. Read Part 1 here.

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Serial Grillers is a Tucson-based restaurant that began as a food truck in 2012 serving cheesesteaks and burgers named after horror movie serial killers. A brick and mortar location opened in 2013 in midtown Tucson. The business was successful enough that in January of 2017 a second location opened on the Northwest side of town. The place was a regular haunt of mine, not just because they make excellent food but also because they serve exclusively craft beer at both locations. You won’t find any Bud Light on tap and their selection changes every time I go in there.

I walked in to the restaurant expecting to meet my pal, Mr. Button. Or rather: “Mr. Button.” I came straight from AZ Beer House where I defeated a robot that was engineered to look like him. It’s been that kinda day.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 1

Part 1 of a 4-Part story.

Arizona Beer House – Tucson, AZ
Located at 150 S Kolb Rd, Tucson, AZ 85710
Open Mon-Weds 2p-10p; Thurs-Sat 12p-12a; Sun 11a-10p
http://www.arizonabeerhouse.com

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AZ Beer House is a taproom on the east side of Tucson that’s been open just under two years. With 34 taps and hundreds of bottles that you can drink on site or take home it was a place I tried to visit as often as I could.

The guy behind the bar was my buddy Derrick, a fellow beer blogger who started his own beer review site recently because he was inspired by the amazing success I’ve had. He was very excited to tell me that his new pseudonym was “Arizona Brew-Ru.”

“Wait,” I said, “is that a play on ‘Boo-Hoo’? Like, you’re Arizona Boo-Hoo but for beer?”

“No. What? That doesn’t even make sense. It’s like ‘guru.’ You know…Brew Guru?”

“Oh. I would’ve gone with Arizona Gurew.”

“Shit. That’s actually way better.”

I sipped my beer as I waited for my pal Mr. Button. The last time I saw him he and I saved the majority of Arizona’s craft beer from destruction by a beer terrorist. It was documented in my story called The Drunk Knight, in case you’re curious how we did that.

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Catalina Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ

Located at 6918 N Camino Martin #120, Tucson, AZ 85741
Open Weds & Thurs 4-9p; Fri 4p-10p; Sat 12p-10p; Sun 11a-5p
http://www.catalinabrewingco.com

Part 2 of a 3-part series called “A Better Life.” Read Part 1 here.

I had left the town of Goodyear (a suburb of the Greater Phoenix area) and made my way south toward Tucson. I was feeling lost, still trying to find that different lifestyle that would speak to me and help me make some positive changes while still allowing me to drink lots and lots of booze. Luckily the Arizona craft beer scene was always willing to help.

I reached out to my Tucson fan base and ended up communicating with a young lady named Marisol who said she was willing to share her healthy, active lifestyle with me…and also she promised that it still involved beer. She asked if I could meet her at Catalina Brewing Company in the Northwest side of town.

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I walked into Catalina’s taproom and was immediately intimidated by the bicycle theme decorating the walls. Even the goddamn tap handles were made out of spare bike parts that I couldn’t name because I hadn’t been on a bicycle since I had to race through the Sonoran desert in my early 20’s dodging Border Patrol bullets just so I could smuggle my mom’s medicinal meth into the United States. (It was medicinal because my mom’s heart rate was super low after the Quaalude OD and she needed a pick-me-up.)

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