1912 Brewing Co’s 4th Anniversary – Tucson, AZ

Saturday, July 6, 2019
12PM – 10PM
2045 N Forbes Blvd #105, Tucson, AZ 85745

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It’s 2019, which means two things: 1912 Brewing Co in Tucson is celebrating its fourth year in business and enough time has passed since the 90s that a bunch of annoying stuff from back then has come all the way around to being cool again. Just like I can drop a perfectly timed, “MY WIIIFE” and be considered the funniest guy in the clique you can feel free to roll out those old Austin Powers references, which is really tight.

Don’t think the 90s are back? Well Daddy Yankee’s current hit is a remake of Snow’s “Informer” song and I just spent the weekend getting kicked out of an Aladdin movie AND a Toy Story movie for being too drunk. So yeah, I think the 90s are back like motherfucking Backstreet was Back. And in that spirit 1912’s anniversary party this year will be Austin Powers-themed. You’re all encouraged to show up in costume dressed up in 60s/70s attire or as any of your favorite characters from the movies…you know the ones. The ones from the film. Okay, sorry, I’ve never seen the damn movie. But I did get to sample the five new beers (and two super-secret new products) that are being released on the 6th and I have an exclusive preview for y’all. Oh behave, baby! Is that a thing he says?

 

Zippylongstocking hef

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Only 90s kids will remember German-inspired wheat beers like this. Long before everything was a hazy IPA people used to drink beers with notes of banana and clove. Oh you thought this style was dead? As if! This delicious retro beer has a wild yeast blend that also gives it subtle notes of citrus and vanilla that complement the traditional hef flavors super well. I haven’t had a hef this good since I would talk to the hand! Because I used to get so goddamn high I would talk to my own hand for hours on end. The 90s were a dark time for me before I got clean, I’m not gonna lie.

GROOVY BABY!

 

Fookmi sour gose

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The name of this beautifully colored sour gose was inspired by one of the twins that appears in the movie “Goldmember.” It turned out so boldly purple mostly from being made with elderberries that got scrambled up like the pornography I tried to watch on TV as a kid. The flavor is enhanced by limes and the juice wheezed thereof. There’s a hint of blueberry and it even finishes off with some cinnamon that works very well with all the other flavors, to my pleasant surprise. This is 1912’s first beer using elderberry and it tastes so good it makes me wanna party like it’s 1999 because that was before I realized my parents’ divorce was my fault!

SHAGADELIC!

 

Fookyu sour gose

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The second half of the beers named after the film’s twins is another gose fruited with Asian pear juice and dry-hopped with ginger that was soaked in bourbon. Boy, did I know a lady in the 90s named Ginger who was always soaked in bourbon herself! It was Ginger Martinez, my elementary school math teacher and it was a very sad situation. She…had a real problem. Anyhoozle, the Fookyu gose doesn’t taste boozy at all so don’t get scared off if you’re not into that. The ginger is the more prominent flavor and the bourbon only leaves a slight oaky taste. This is a perfect beer for those who want a fruited gose that tastes great but isn’t super sweet as opposed to those of us who like our beers to taste like both sex and candy.

FIRE THE “LASER”!

 

Got My Mojito Working Again sour gose 

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I know what 1912 Brewing did last summer. At last year’s anniversary party they released an incredible mojito gose that absolutely stole the show. Bringing it back was a no-brainer but this year it was morphin’ time! Because now it’s made with slightly different versions of the ingredients. This batch was made with key limes instead of Mexican limes and an Italian mint that gives this a slightly grassier, earthier taste than whatever was used last year. It’s amazing how the same beer with only mild tweaks can surprise you with the subtle differences in its flavor. It reminds me of what my mom used to say after the divorce: “Life is like a box of chocolates. It’ll give you diabetes.”

PENIS PUMP!

 

Sorry, That Never Happens I Swear sour gose

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Alrighty then! The last of the new releases I’m allowed to tell you about is essentially a piña colada beer. It tastes of pineapple, orange, lemon and lime. It’s a beer I would drink while laying out on the beach in Puerto Peñasco. PSYCH! I’m not allowed back into Puerto Peñasco after I stole that one old man’s taco cart and also got caught trying to sell drugs to what ended up being a very realistic looking mannequin that I’m pretty sure was haunted. The Federales asked if I was innocent and I said I totally was. NOT!!! But yeah, this beer is really good. I sampled it before it had the added carrot juice that will eventually give it a strong orange color but won’t alter the flavor. Because sometimes presentation can be just as important as anything else. Whoever made that fucking narc-ass mannequin definitely knew that.

R.I.P. MINI-ME!

 

BONUS BEER – All Set In The West sour

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This beer is not a special anniversary release but I still wanted to highlight it here because it’s awesome and it’s available at 1912 right now. It’s a collab with Sam Adams. Yes, THAT Sam Adams. No, not THAT Sam Adams, that guy died in 1803. I’m talking about Sam Adams the brewery, not the founding father, duh. This beer was actually brewed in Boston using Sam Adams lager yeast and the same culture used for the Naughty Naranja sour, giving it hints of orange and grapefruit. Then, in a move that probably pissed off all those racist, northeastern, chowder-eating fucks to no end, the team added agave nectar and blended in cranberries and tamarindo. Can you imagine how offended those assholes must’ve been having to use something called “tamarindo”? How did they even pronounce it? This beer is great and gave me tons of good vibrations when I drank it but don’t give any to Marky Mark. It’ll make him so angry he might try to attack another Vietnamese man like he did when he was a teenager. Mark Wahlberg committed multiple hate crimes, let us never forget that.

Apart from the five new beers I listed above Allan wanted to make sure I let y’all know there would be two other special releases available at the party. They’re both a surprise and I’ve been sworn to secrecy so the only thing I can say is that I’ve sampled whatever these things are and that you’ll definitely wanna show up to try them.

1912 Brewing Co will be open for a few hours on Thursday, the 4th. It’ll be about 3p-5p so you can grab some beers before the fireworks and family time. But the official anniversary party will be Saturday the 6th. There will be a second bar in the back of the production area serving beer “mocktails” as well as a live band and Daniela’s Cooking food truck serving the amazing food they’re already well known for. There won’t be any flights served all day so you’ll have to commit to full pours but that won’t be an issue when the beers are this good.

Oh and if you don’t wanna be known as a total fart-knocker then be sure to tip your bartenders…or should I say, SHOW THEM THE MONEY!

Classy’s Drunken Film Reviews – The Curse of La Llorona

The Curse Of La Llorona Is In Theaters Now But Don’t Go See It

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La Llorona translates to “The Crying Woman” and the name refers to a person in an old folk tale who’s most commonly associated with Mexican history. Though the name is also ingrained in legends from some Central American countries I won’t be giving you any legit history lessons in this blog because we’re just talking about a dumbass horror movie called The Curse of La Llorona. It’s directed by a guy with the last name Chaves but nothing I saw online indicates he’s of brown descent so he was probably hired because that last name sounded “close enough.” Yes, the movie is produced by James Wan who was born in Malaysia, is of Chinese descent, and was raised in Australia which makes me pretty happy because his mere existence probably pissed off a lot of racist Aussie classmates.

But even that’s not enough for him to be producing this movie, as far as I’m concerned. Because the lead actress is Linda Cardellini who, despite being very talented, was hired due to the fact that Italians aren’t exactly fully white people so they figured she’d be “tan enough.”

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Beercentennial Man – The Final Chapter

Button Brewhouse – Marana, AZ
Located at 6800 N Camino Martin, Suite 160, Marana, AZ 85741
Opening date TBD
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The 4th and final chapter of my story, “Beercentennial Man.” Read Part 1 here, Part 2 here and Part 3 here.

I arrived in Marana, a town just northwest of Tucson to find the Button Brewhouse building. Construction on the place was well underway when I arrived. The patio was fully built and the sign was hanging on the front, ready for the brewery’s opening sometime in 2017.

I knew my pal Mr. Button was inside, held hostage in his own brewery by ClassyBot, a liquid metal cyborg who looked exactly like me and wanted me dead so he could take my place. I walked into the unfinished brewery, ready for anything.

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The brewing equipment in the back was all fully installed but the taproom still needed some work. I walked past a large pile of old appliances that were ready to be thrown out. There was a stove, some cracked microwaves, toasters, broken laptops, a couple of busted up kegerators on wheels and a bunch of other crap. I figured it must’ve been stuff from the previous tenant in the building.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 3

Dillinger Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ
Located at 3895 N Oracle Rd, Tucson, AZ 85705
Open Mon-Thurs 2p-9p; Fri 2p-11p; Sat 11a-11p; Sun 2p-9p
http://dillingerbrewing.com

Part 3 of a 4-Part story. Read Part 1 here. Read Part 2 here.

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Bryan Raney who passed away on 7/22/2017. He was a homebrewer from California and was a big supporter of my blog. He was known as Fighting Robot Brewing on Instagram. His family’s GoFundMe page is here: https://www.gofundme.com/bryan-sid-raney-memorial-fund

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I ran into Dillinger Brewing Company’s taproom practically carrying my pal, Mr. Button. He was in bad shape after he saved my life by diving in front of a bolt of lightning shot out of the hand of a cyborg named ClassyBot that was engineered to look like me and had my memories and personality installed in his CPU. Seriously, if you didn’t get on board with the story when it first started you probably shouldn’t even be reading this shit right now.

The brewery was a little hard to find. It was tucked away off the main road down a row of storage facilities behind a pawnshop in the methy side of Tucson. I knew that one of Dillinger’s owners, Eric Sipe, would be able to help Button. The two of them were friends and they even collaborated on a coffee Pale Ale beer called “Early Brew Special.” Before he opened the brewery Sipe spent some time roaming through the U.S. and I’ve heard stories about his ability to survive in rugged conditions. I just hoped that at least some of them were true.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 2

Serial Grillers Restaurant & Taproom – Tucson, AZ
Located at 5737 E Speedway Blvd, Tucson, AZ 85715
Second location at 1970 W River Rd, Tucson, AZ 85704
Open Sun-Thurs 11a-9p; Fri & Sat 11a-10p
http://www.serialgrillersaz.com

Part 2 of a 4-Part story. Read Part 1 here.

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Serial Grillers is a Tucson-based restaurant that began as a food truck in 2012 serving cheesesteaks and burgers named after horror movie serial killers. A brick and mortar location opened in 2013 in midtown Tucson. The business was successful enough that in January of 2017 a second location opened on the Northwest side of town. The place was a regular haunt of mine, not just because they make excellent food but also because they serve exclusively craft beer at both locations. You won’t find any Bud Light on tap and their selection changes every time I go in there.

I walked in to the restaurant expecting to meet my pal, Mr. Button. Or rather: “Mr. Button.” I came straight from AZ Beer House where I defeated a robot that was engineered to look like him. It’s been that kinda day.

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Beercentennial Man – Part 1

Part 1 of a 4-Part story.

Arizona Beer House – Tucson, AZ
Located at 150 S Kolb Rd, Tucson, AZ 85710
Open Mon-Weds 2p-10p; Thurs-Sat 12p-12a; Sun 11a-10p
http://www.arizonabeerhouse.com

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AZ Beer House is a taproom on the east side of Tucson that’s been open just under two years. With 34 taps and hundreds of bottles that you can drink on site or take home it was a place I tried to visit as often as I could.

The guy behind the bar was my buddy Derrick, a fellow beer blogger who started his own beer review site recently because he was inspired by the amazing success I’ve had. He was very excited to tell me that his new pseudonym was “Arizona Brew-Ru.”

“Wait,” I said, “is that a play on ‘Boo-Hoo’? Like, you’re Arizona Boo-Hoo but for beer?”

“No. What? That doesn’t even make sense. It’s like ‘guru.’ You know…Brew Guru?”

“Oh. I would’ve gone with Arizona Gurew.”

“Shit. That’s actually way better.”

I sipped my beer as I waited for my pal Mr. Button. The last time I saw him he and I saved the majority of Arizona’s craft beer from destruction by a beer terrorist. It was documented in my story called The Drunk Knight, in case you’re curious how we did that.

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Tombstone Brewing Company – Tombstone, AZ

Located at 107 E Toughnut St, Tombstone, AZ 85638
Open Sun-Sat 11a-7p
https://tombstone.beer

Part 3 of a 3-part series called “A Better Life.” Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The Classy Alcoholic had reached the end of the line. I traveled through half the state of Arizona looking for a way to improve my lifestyle while still maintaining my dedication to craft beer. But like a pet hamster trying to escape a closed fanny pack I came up against nothing but barriers. I met a fitness enthusiast and a cycling enthusiast who were both happy to take me under their respective wings but I knew that their paths weren’t for me. So I went south toward Tombstone, a place commonly referred to as “The Town Too Tough To Die.” I was looking for somewhere to bury my ambitions deeper than the pet hamster that accidentally got trapped in my fanny pack. I figured this might as well be the place.

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Tombstone Brewing Company opened in February of 2017 and in the short time they’ve been around they’ve developed a stellar reputation for making great beer. Their brewer is well studied with lots of experience in the industry and even a few awards under his belt. I almost felt like this place was too good for the likes of me. It was like walking in to a Macy’s when their stuff wasn’t on clearance.

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