Located at 4900 E Indian School Rd, Phoenix AZ 85018
Open Mon-Thu 11a to 12a; Fri 11a-1:30a; Sat 9a-1:30a; Sun 9a to 12a
I was very interested in going to this joint called O.H.S.O. mainly because they refer to themselves as a “nanobrewery.” That term basically amounts to large-scale homebrewers, like the Schraderbrau Brewing Company in New Mexico.
I was excited to learn about the operation because it’s been a personal goal of mine to start a nanobrewery after running a successful picobrewery out of my toilet for the past year. Mapping the location of Original Horse Stable Odyssey (or whatever) was a bit confusing when I realized the place was pretty close to downtown Scottsdale. I say confusing because Scottsdale is a pretty tony suburb and I imagined a nanobrewery would be such a small, upstart operation that it would be based out of a toolshed in the backyard of a South Phoenix house where Coyotes stash all their illegals.
Imagine my surprise when I pulled up to Only Hamsters Shave Obliviously (or whatever) and discovered that it was a pretty large, upscale place that had a sports bar feel with a large selection of microbrews from states like California, New Mexico, Colorado and places as far as Vermont. It also had a menu consisting of exclusively-Arizona-brewed beer, not to mention the selection of the fourteen-or-so beers brewed right here at Obama Haunted Several Orientals (or whatever). And even non-beer drinkers can enjoy the full bar selection at this place. I started to wonder if the “nanobrewery” title was a bit of a misnomer.
This place clearly started out with enough money to purchase not only my favorite toolshed-based, South Phoenix nanobrewery but also the entire property where the toolshed sits and still have enough cash leftover to buy the freedom of every single illegal stashed in house out front. Not that you could buy out that nanobrewery anymore. The place shut down last month when the owners – Cousin Chico and El Alacran – both got tossed in jail for insider trading.
Anyway, as the name of this joint suggest, there is also food to be had, which is essential for you because it helps soak up the booze. But keep in mind that if you order the shrimp tacos, as I did, they expect you to assemble that shit yourself, like, do I look sober enough to even assemble my shoelaces together right now, dude?
Also know that flights here are served only four beers at a time and that they have certain dates/times when they serve certain beers. On the day I went the menu said one beer wasn’t available until 2PM. As it was only noon when I got there I had a reasonable excuse to keep drinking for a couple more hours. The menu also said that two beers weren’t available until the next day after I was there which gives you a reasonable excuse to go back. You’re not an irresponsible drunk if you go and get hammered two days in a row. You’re just curious about the next batch they have brewing and want to expand your palate.
It should also be noted that Objectively Hungry Sasquatches Oscillate (or whatever) is open seven days per week and they open at 9AM on Saturdays and Sundays so they’re pretty much tailor-made for your drinking habits.
Overall O.H.S.O. is worth a visit as long as their bicycle-themed décor doesn’t remind you that your own bike has been gathering dust in the closet for ages now and that you’re slowly becoming more of a slovenly, overweight bitch with every single beer sip. But as my grandfather always used to tell me: bicycles are like prostitutes. They won’t even cross your mind for a span of about six months at a time but you’re sure as shit gonna seek them out for a confidence boost whenever you start to feel fat. Also they look a lot better when they’re black.