I’ve recently been told that my blog posts are too long. And that dumb-dumbs prefer short articles that are just a list of places and things. That’s how to get maximum social media exposure. So here is a list of 4 bars that are bars in Tucson, AZ.

1. World Famous Golden Nugget Tavern

This is a bar-ass bar. The kind of place that you walk into and think to yourself, “Holy fucking shit, I’m in a bar.” The Golden Nugget has everything: Beer, liquor, a bar. It’s practically the perfect dive. People of all ages, races and physical disabilities come here and feel like home, as long as their home is a bar. If you’re looking for a place with pool tables, a jukebox, bathrooms for men and women, and an area where you can sit to order drinks and then drink them, then this place is definitely a bar.

2. Brodie’s Tavern

Brodie’s is one of the very few gay bars currently in Tucson, yes. But it is also a bar. Which means they will sell you booze even if you are not gay, which is great for me because while I fully support gay rights and the gay community, I am also a straight dude who bangs hot straight ladies and also likes to drink in bars. If you’re looking for one of those (a bar) then Brodie’s is the place to be. They even have a patio where you can drink drinks. Now that’s what I call a bar.

3. The Shelter Cocktail Lounge

The Shelter is a bar that’s so dark inside at any hour of the day, when you walk in you don’t know if you’re going to get murdered or if you’re going to have a great time at a bar. But you know it’s going to be at least one of those. The retro look and the velvety portraits on the wall give this place a really cool atmosphere that makes you want to have drinks, which you can absolutely do here because this place is a bar. They have a variety of infused vodkas which can be mixed into drinks and also beers on tap. That’s the kind of place I’m looking for when I want to go to a bar. Share this article on Facebook, you fucking assholes.

4. Bay Horse Tavern

This bar is known for having a bigass chair in it. Like, an oversized wooden chair you can sit in to take pictures. It’s pretty cool, unless you’ve been drinking and fall off of it and land on your fat fucking face like I may or may not have in the past. But let’s not talk about that because this is not actually an article about 4 bars where I’ve fallen on the floor and landed on my fat fucking face. This is an article about bars and The Bay Horse has enough things going for it to qualify for a spot on this prestigious list.

Oh, full disclosure, all of these bars are currently closed due to the pandemic. But at least you know where there are bars?

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