The Naked Chicken Chalupa paired with AZ Beers

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Back during the 2015 holiday season I wrote a blog post in which I paired Arizona craft beers with the grossest, loneliest fast foods. It was a great article and we all had a solid laugh at how hilariously fat The Classy Alcoholic was and then we moved on to welcome 2016 with open arms ‘cause we just knew that was gonna be our fuckin’ year, man! But as proud as I am of the article I have to admit the experience changed something inside of me. And I’m not just talking about how I now have to submit annual reports to the government to ensure my bowels don’t violate the Chemical Weapons Convention treaty.

No, I’m talking about the existential pain caused by several long nights spent guzzling soggy clumps of deep fried cardboard only vaguely disguised as edible material into my face like a sad opossum that somehow developed both a drinking problem and an impeccable fashion sense. That’s when I realized The Classy Alcoholic had hit rock bottom…

But it’s 2017 now and after 16 months or so of exponential sadness and shame, as well as multiple breakups with my ex-girlfriend Rosario Vargas, I’ve come to realize that that shit was pretty much just rock middle at best. So when Taco Bell released something called a Naked Chicken Chalupa in January using a folded up fried chicken patty instead of a taco shell I decided to quietly suffocate any self-respect I had left under a pillow and then follow up that initial fast food article with a goddamn sequel!

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The Great Southwest Cajun Fest 2017

 

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The Classy Alcoholic has hit it big as Arizona’s #1 beer and wine blogger these last couple of years. But just like Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Coldplay and other great conquerors before me I knew I wasn’t going to just settle for the territories I had. I needed to expand my influence. And that’s why I’ve decided to branch out my blog to include food reviews. Because nothing goes better with beer and wine than tears. And then food after.

Up to this point my blog was always intended to support small businesses and I would never dream of doing this just to get free drinks from my Arizona craft beer family. But I can’t imagine food bloggers aren’t getting away with scoring free meals for themselves all the time so I decided to get in on the action. This means you can officially consider me a “traveling foodie.” I’m like Anthony Bourdain, minus heroin, plus sadness, divided by the fact that I’m Mexican.

I descended upon the 2nd annual Great Southwest Cajun Fest in Chandler, AZ on April 22, 2017 ready to meet some food vendors so I could promote them on my blog and then harass them for free shit. I grew up eating Cajun seafood as a little fat kid so I was excited to have some of it make its way to the desert. It was about 99 degrees in Chandler this day so food poisoning was pretty much guaranteed. But a few days of painful fish dumps seemed worth it for some of that sweet, sweet crawfish action.

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Flux – Chapter 1

The Classy Alcoholic ain’t dead yet! This time I’m writing an ode to the lovely town of Tucson with a 5-part story called “Flux.” When the Tucson beer scene is under attack by a mysterious new organization The Classy Alcoholic has to drunkenly distinguish friend from foe.

Click on the “Short Stories” tab in the menu above or just click the “Continue Reading” link below to start Chapter 1.

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Dillinger Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ [Coming Soon]

Located at 3895 N Oracle Rd, Tucson, AZ 85705
Opening Fall 2016
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dillingerbrewery/
Instagram: http://tinyurl.com/jjhsjbq
Twitter: https://twitter.com/dillinger_brew

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Eric Rubio Sipe may be a bearded white guy in Tucson who loves craft beer and has plans to open up his own microbrewery but, believe it or not, there are also interesting things about him. For starters, the man already had a space for his taproom rented out and he was deep into construction when I met him. You should know that The Classy Alcoholic is pretty wired into the beer scene in this state. I’m usually the first to hear about new breweries that are about to open in Arizona because the owners desperately want me to come by ever since they realized that having a guy in a suit, tie and pocket square on the premises will significantly increase their property values as long as I don’t tell anyone that I’m Mexican.

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Real, Wild & Woody 2016

The Classy Alcoholic returns to share his experiences at a yearly Phoenix beer festival called Real, Wild & Woody. I was lucky enough to be hosted at this beer fest by a local beer, wine & spirit distribution company known as Quail Distributing. This is my way of thanking them for being kind enough to ruin their reputation by associating themselves with me. Click the “Continue Reading” link below to check out the full post.

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The Drunk Knight – Part 3

It’s all starting to come together in Part 3 of my 4-part story, “The Drunk Knight.” The Classy Alcoholic and his team head to Flagstaff to discover the full scope of the villain’s evil plan. Check out the “Short Stories” tab on the menu above or just click on the “Continue Reading” link below to follow along on my adventure!

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