The Beer Research Institute – Mesa, AZ

Located at 1641 S Stapley Dr, Mesa, AZ 85024
Open Sun-Wed 11a-10p; Thu-Sat 11a-12a

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The Beer Research Institute in Mesa is located on the grounds of the Mesa Grand Shopping Mall right next to the AMC movie theater, which is an awesome location for a microbrewery because I honestly haven’t been to a movie theater sober since I was a teenager and don’t understand how anyone else could do it either. Most movies are shit and the best way to make them at all interesting or hilarious is to be appropriately hammered. Like the time I drunkenly puked into my neighbor’s popcorn bucket while watching Paul Blart or The Avengers or Schindler’s List or whatever that movie  was.

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The Perch Pub & Brewery – Chandler, AZ

Located at 232 S Wall St, Chandler, AZ 85225
Open Mon-Fri 11a-1a; Sat-Sun 9a-1a

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Last time I was in the town of Chandler (which sits about half an hour southeast of downtown Phoenix) I paid a visit to SanTan Brewing Company without realizing that The Perch Pub & Brewery was just a couple of blocks away. I’m glad I made it back to Chandler because The Perch is a really cool place that’s worth a visit.

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Dubina Brewing Co. – Glendale, AZ

Located at 17035 N 67th Ave #6, Glendale, AZ 85308
Open Tues-Thurs 3p-10p; Fri 3p-12a; Sat 11a-12a; Sun 11a-9p

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On the morning of my visit to Dubina Brewing Co. I awoke from troubled dreams and found myself transformed in my bed into a horrible vermin. Like, with a brown belly, slightly domed and having six legs and shit. Once after a night of heavy drinking I woke up naked in my neighbor’s bathtub laying on top of seven stuffed teddy bears that were all wearing Spiderman masks for some reason. But even that wasn’t as weird as the morning I woke up as a beetle or roach or something.

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Mother Bunch Brewing – Phoenix, AZ

Located at 825 N 7th St, Phoenix, AZ 85006
Open Mon-Thurs 11a-10p; Fri 11a-12a; Sat 10a-12a; Sun 10a-10p

Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of my last review which was in the form of an epic, Oscar-worthy screenplay, I can proudly inform y’all that The Classy Alcoholic scored a meeting with a high-powered Hollywood executive who called me up and told me that he was interested in adapting my blog into a feature film. He said he would come to Phoenix because that was the only town in Arizona he had ever heard of and suggested we meet at Mother Bunch Brewing which is located off of North 7th St just south of the I-10.

I was impressed that this guy from California knew about any Arizona microbreweries but I figured my blog must be getting enough traction outside of the state to bring real awareness of our craft beer scene. I told him I’d meet him right where he wanted.

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Huss Brewing Company – Tempe, AZ

Located at 1520 W Mineral Rd, Tempe, AZ 85283
Open Mon-Thurs 3p-8p; Fri 3p-10p; Sat 12p-8p; Su 11a-2p

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Hey, everybody! Today we’re visiting the southern region of Tempe, which is petty far removed from the part of town full of ASU college kids and Bro Bars. In fact, we’re in an area that looks more like an industrial park on our way to a place called Huss Brewing. The Arizona summer heat can seem pretty oppressive at times but today wasn’t too bad. I embraced the desert sun by shedding my suit jacket and wearing a blue dress shirt with a bright pink necktie. The outfit managed to represent my good mood this day.

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Owl’s Orchard Brewery – Queen Creek, AZ

Unfortunately Owl’s Orchard Brewery has closed as of July 2016. This post will remain here in honor of the awesome brewery that once was and will never be again.

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Owl’s Orchard is a brewery that’s literally run out of a guy’s garage. I know what you’re thinking: It sounds super shady. Just like my parents’ “businesses” that they used to run out of our home when I was a kid. I remember what a pain in the ass it was having to help my dad in the garage, bagging and packing all those slabs of delicious zebra meat.

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McFate Brewing Co. – Scottsdale, AZ

Located at 7337 E Shea Blvd, Ste 105, Scottsdale, AZ 85260
Open Mon-Thurs 3p-1p; Fri & Sat 11a-11p; Sun 11a-10p

Note that as of June 2016 Fate Brewing Co. has officially changed it’s name to McFate Brewing Co. after a legal battle with another brewery, also named Fate from Colorado or some shit. The original name is still used in this review as this was posted long before the name change.

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I know I give the greater Phoenix area a lot of shit. I’ve complained about the heat, the abundance of chain restaurants and stores, the cold, uninviting feeling of the city that makes you feel like a burden for even existing and the deep, dark despair  you feel after hours stuck in rush hour traffic. Like your own car is an oven and it’s slowly getting smaller and the constant stop-and-go on the highway starts to almost make you feel seasick while the brake lights of the car in front of you start blink on and off and start to mesmerize you, as if they’re blinking a secret message directly to you and you start to wonder if the Hyundai Sonata is trying to tell you that your life is meaningless and the job you’ll commute to every single day for the rest of your life is slowly eating away at your soul-

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