The Drunk Knight – Part 1

The Classy Alcoholic returns with another epic adventure. This 4-part story is called, “The Drunk Knight.” It starts in Tucson and spans throughout several Arizona breweries. Follow along by checking out the Short Stories tab in the menu or just click on “Continue Reading” below.

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Driftwood Pub & Kitchen – Tucson, AZ

Driftwood Pub & Kitchen has closed as of February 2017. This post will remain on my website as a reminder of the good times we had together.

Driftwood5.jpg

Dive bars tend to get a lot of love from people. Sometimes for reasons I don’t understand. Scroll through some Yelp reviews and you’ll find people who describe a dive bar as “disgusting” and consider that a compliment. Also they think being served by bitter, disaffected bartenders is somehow more authentic than someone who’s, like, nice to you?

While I definitely appreciate that many dive bars have cool regulars and strong drinks for cheap I never want to drink somewhere so divey that I have to worry about walking out with a staph infection. And I’m not the kind of guy who thinks a bar is great because the bartender with the hook for a hand pours your shitty light beers aggressively and visibly hates you for making him do his job. If I wanted to be openly resented for my heavy drinking by someone with anger issues I’d go back and ruin my ex-girlfriend’s mom’s funeral again.
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Nimbus Brewing Co. – Tucson, AZ

Located at 3850 E 44th St, Tucson, AZ 85713
Open Mon-Thurs 11a-11p; Fri-Sat 11a-1a; Sun 11a-9p
http://www.nimbusbeer.com

Your favorite The Classy Alcoholic is going through a tough time, y’all. February of 2016 is the month I turn 30 years old. The panic of growing older is starting to set in and I feel like I’m not ready to leave my 20s behind. The sight of a few gray hairs is my only consolation because the one thing that would make my amazing hair even better is a Clooney-esque, salt-and-pepper look to it. But so far my gorgeous mane stays dark, thick and smooth…while my youth rapidly slips away through my fingers.

I decided that if I wanted to recapture my youth I would have to literally travel back in time. So I found a junkyard in Tucson where I could buy an old flux capacitor and installed it in my car. I retrofitted the thing so it could be powered by Arizona-brewed craft beer because my flux capacitor was sure as hell gonna #chooseAZbrews, dammit! I hit the road and drove as fast as I could until a portal of light appeared, engulfing my ‘89 Honda Accord with the bumper that was a different color from the rest of the car and also held on only by a chain. When the portal of light disappeared I looked around me and I realized I had successfully arrived in the year 2006.

I still had to write a microbrewery review for today though and unfortunately there weren’t many breweries in Tucson ten years ago. But then I recalled that Nimbus Brewing Company had been around since 1996 and would be celebrating its tenth anniversary this year. So I headed to the east side of Tucson wading through industrial parks in search of the warehouse where Nimbus had its brewery and restaurant. In order to fit in I put on a necktie that was only slightly different in color from my dress shirt. It was the kind of monochromatic outfit I remembered people in suits wearing all the time a decade ago, back when Regis Philbin was the classiest motherfucker on TV because Mad Men wouldn’t introduce Jon Hamm to the world until a year later.

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Pueblo Vida Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ

Located at 115 E Broadway Blvd, Tucson, AZ 85701
Open Mon-Thurs 4p-10p; Fri 2p-12a; Sat 12p-12a; Sun 12p-6p
http://www.pueblovidabrewing.com

Pueblo Vida5

Pueblo Vida is right in the heart of downtown Tucson but is tucked away just enough to make it feel like a hip hang out spot that only the cool kids know about. It doesn’t have a huge sign out in front and it’s a bit inconspicuous if you’ve never been to the place. I’ve always had a bit of fondness in my heart for Pueblo Vida and it’s not just because they make great beer.

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Coronado Vineyards – Willcox, AZ

2909 E Country Club Dr, Willcox, AZ 85643
Open Sun 10a-4p; Mon-Sat 9:30a-5:30p
http://www.coronadovineyards.com

Willcox

Willcox is an interesting town. In the early 20th century it was known for cattle production and to this day you can find references to it being the “Cattle Capital of the World.” I’m not sure how much cattle is still a part of its economy today but I do know that the town and its surrounding area is home to most of Arizona’s vineyards. Wineries all over the state grow their grapes in Willcox, even a couple that are all the way up in the town of Cottonwood which is over four hours away.

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Kief-Joshua Vineyards – Elgin, AZ

Located at 370 Elgin Rd, Elgin, AZ 85611
Open 7 days per week 11a-5p
http://kiefjoshuavineyards.com

FADE IN:

EXT. ELGIN, AZ – DAY

Today we’re heading back to WINE COUNTRY. We’re revisiting the southern Arizona town of ELGIN on our way to KIEF-JOSHUA VINEYARDS for another wine adventure. The sun shines brightly on this day but there’s enough of a summer breeze that it doesn’t feel miserably FUCKING HOT.

CLOSE ON an 89 GRAY HONDA ACCORD with BULLET HOLE STICKERS on the side and a WHITE BUMPER that is held on only by a CHAIN. The previous owners of the car clearly had a lot of SEX in it.

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Borderlands Brewing Company – Tucson, AZ

Located at 119 E Toole Ave, Tucson, AZ 85701
Open Mon 4p-10p; Tues 12a-10p; Weds & Thurs 12p-9p; Fri & Sat 12p-10p; Sun 12p-5p
http://borderlandsbrewing.com

Borderlands (1)

At some point around the Fall of 2014 I got the stupid idea to visit every single microbrewery in the state of Arizona and write about my experiences. This blog was born out of a deep-seated desire to explore the state that I’ve now called home for over a decade and mapping every single brewery seemed like a great starting point for planning my travels.

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