This is it. The fifth and final chapter of my kickass spy story, “A Cottonwood Kill.” It’s the heart-wrenching finale that literally no one was waiting for but here it is anyway. Click the Short Stories tab in the menu above or just click the “Continue Reading” button below.
The penultimate chapter of my epic adventure in AZ wine country is here! Part 4 of my story, “A Cottonwood Kill,” is where the tale takes a major twist. Read the latest entry by clicking the “Continue Reading” link below or click on the “Short Stories” tab on the menu above.
Part 2 of my epic, 5-part story is here. The Classy Alcoholic continues his dangerous spy mission and gets in deeper than he expected at Pillsbury Wine Company.
Read chapter 2 by clicking on the Short Stories tab in the menu above or by clicking the “Continue Reading” link below.
The Classy Alcoholic is officially back and better than ever! After taking a break to work out some shit I’ve decided to fully embrace my desire to write ridiculous short stories full of adventure and intrigue. And so I bring you a 5-part story called, “A Cottonwood Kill.” Join The Classy Alcoholic as he goes on a dangerous, undercover mission for the FBI in Cottonwood, AZ while exploring the town’s wine tasting rooms along the way.
You can read Part 1 by clicking on the brand new “Short Stories” tab at the top of the page or by clicking the “Continue Reading” link below.
A new chapter will be posted every Sunday night for the next four weeks. Be sure to follow along for a thrilling tale of danger, mystery, sexy spy action and, of course, lots and lots of dick jokes.
Located at 3850 E 44th St, Tucson, AZ 85713
Open Mon-Thurs 11a-11p; Fri-Sat 11a-1a; Sun 11a-9p
Your favorite The Classy Alcoholic is going through a tough time, y’all. February of 2016 is the month I turn 30 years old. The panic of growing older is starting to set in and I feel like I’m not ready to leave my 20s behind. The sight of a few gray hairs is my only consolation because the one thing that would make my amazing hair even better is a Clooney-esque, salt-and-pepper look to it. But so far my gorgeous mane stays dark, thick and smooth…while my youth rapidly slips away through my fingers.
I decided that if I wanted to recapture my youth I would have to literally travel back in time. So I found a junkyard in Tucson where I could buy an old flux capacitor and installed it in my car. I retrofitted the thing so it could be powered by Arizona-brewed craft beer because my flux capacitor was sure as hell gonna #chooseAZbrews, dammit! I hit the road and drove as fast as I could until a portal of light appeared, engulfing my ‘89 Honda Accord with the bumper that was a different color from the rest of the car and also held on only by a chain. When the portal of light disappeared I looked around me and I realized I had successfully arrived in the year 2006.
I still had to write a microbrewery review for today though and unfortunately there weren’t many breweries in Tucson ten years ago. But then I recalled that Nimbus Brewing Company had been around since 1996 and would be celebrating its tenth anniversary this year. So I headed to the east side of Tucson wading through industrial parks in search of the warehouse where Nimbus had its brewery and restaurant. In order to fit in I put on a necktie that was only slightly different in color from my dress shirt. It was the kind of monochromatic outfit I remembered people in suits wearing all the time a decade ago, back when Regis Philbin was the classiest motherfucker on TV because Mad Men wouldn’t introduce Jon Hamm to the world until a year later.
Located at 120 W Gurley St, Prescott, AZ 86301
Open Mon-Thurs 11a-8p; Fri-Sat 11a-10p; Sun 11a-5p
I hate to admit that after nearly a year of writing about Arizona microbreweries and vineyards I hadn’t heard of Superstition Meadery until recently. For those of you who aren’t aware, mead is the world’s oldest fermented alcoholic beverage made from honey. It’s usually described as “honey wine” though in some places in the world there are slight variations on the term and they’re not always considered synonymous. But for our purposes we’ll go ahead and not worry about those distinctions.