I hate food. Food is a waste of perfectly good money that could be spent on more drinks. But somehow our stupid bodies need it so we don’t die, which is stupid. Luckily I’ve found a few dive bars in Tucson that serve really good meals for super cheap so you can soak up enough booze to stay alive and then drink more afterward. These are the best deals for your money that I’ve found so far.

Just a disclaimer, the pictures I took of my food all look terrible because they were taken in places where the lighting really sucks. Also there’s no guarantee that you won’t get stabbed at one of these joints and I’m not responsible for any deaths that might occur from your drunk ass walking in there. Okay, cool, let’s do this!

Wooden Nickel Tavern

Located at 1908 S Country Club Rd, Tucson, AZ 85713
Open 7 days a week, 11a-2a
http://woodennickeltucson.com

The Wooden Nickel’s menu has a ton of good burgers, subs and sandwiches as well as typical bar appetizers like nachos, onion rings and potato skins. But their best food deal happens on Wing Wednesday. They used to sell wings for only 50 cents apiece but due to inflation or whatever they’ve had to raise the price to 75 each. Don’t hold it against them, though. The wings are really meaty and there are several flavors that you can mix and match in your order. Normally when you go to a place with cheap wing specials they only give you the tiniest pieces of the shitty baby chickens that were too stupid to keep from slipping into their bigass water pail and weren’t strong enough to crawl back out.

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Saturday, September 15^th from 12p-10p
Located at 6800 N Camino Martin, Suite 160, Tucson, AZ 85741
Hours: Mon-Thurs 3p-8p; Fri 2p-10p; Sat 12p-10p; Sun 11a-6p

So first things first, I’ll disclose that I absolutely love Button Brewhouse. With all of my heart. And I’m very happy that they’re about to celebrate their first anniversary.

Looking back on the past twelve months it seems like they’re a success story that should’ve never happened. That statement has nothing to do with the quality of their beers or their customer service. They’ve proven themselves to be top notch in both those areas. But they’ve fought against so many obstacles that could’ve absolutely ruined their shit.

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A couple of weeks ago I was invited to Borderlands Brewing Co. in Tucson to report on a new beer collaboration for a good cause. Borderlands opened up their facility to their neighbors from Crooked Tooth Brewing and to Wren House Brewing from Phoenix for a project that was intended to benefit Audubon Arizona.

For those of you who don’t know, Audubon Arizona is dedicated to conservation and to connecting people with nature. They teamed up with these three breweries to co-brand a beer called Rain Crow IPA in order to bring awareness of the plight of…some fucking bird, I think.

Okay, sorry, I’ll be honest, I’m not an outdoorsy person at all and I know nothing about nature. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the cause and I’m all about conservation. My parents taught me not to ever waste anything. Whether it’s water in the desert we call home or the hundreds of little baggies of cocaine that my dad made me help him cut with baking soda, the point is that we have to do everything we can to make our resources last for as long as possible.

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018.
11AM – 10PM
2045 N. Forbes Blvd #105, Tucson, AZ 85745
http://www.1912brewing.com

1912 Brewing Company in Tucson is ready to celebrate their 3^rdanniversary on Saturday, July 7^th. They’re throwing a Havana Nights-themed party with several new beer releases and a few infusions that will continue to cement their status as one of Arizona’s best microbreweries. I was invited over to report on this upcoming event because I’m the most qualified of all the Arizona beer journalists given that I’ve been to Miami and also I watched the entirety of Scarface on TNT last Sunday while hungover as hell. You ever watch Scarface with the commercials added? It takes an entire goddamn day.

I was lucky enough to get a private tasting of the four newest beers that will be on tap during the party. This is some legitimately exclusive reporting, y’all. The only people who have tried these things so far are 1912’s employees and your favorite fat Mexican blogger in a suit. 1912’s owner, Allan Conger, guided me through each of the beers. This brewery’s like a great big chicken just waiting to get plucked.

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Summertime in the desert means I get to enjoy my favorite activity: getting irresponsibly drunk in public places where other people aren’t allowed to talk to me. I got ridiculously lit in a monastery last week and none of those dudes in hoodies could yell at me to quit drinking so much and to put my pants back on.

Which is also why I enjoy going to the movies, especially now that I have several theaters in close proximity that serve alcohol. These joints are starting to understand that most movies are garbage and that the only things that could make them better are copious amounts of booze or Clive Owen.

I bought my ticket to a 2:30pm showing of Jurassic Park 5: Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom. It was on Senior Monday which was fitting because I ended up sitting next to a guy so old he looked like he went to high school with a fuckin’ T-Rex.

I approached the movie theater bar, already drunk, trying to do my best to appear sober enough to not be denied a beer. They had Lagunitas IPA and Tucson’s Barrio Blonde on tap. “Lagunitas” seemed like it would get all slurred to hell. “Luhhhgunitushhhh,” probably.

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I don’t often write serious posts because the blog was always intended to be comedic. But this deserves some serious treatment. There’s a new beer on tap throughout Phoenix and Tucson called Party For McCarty that was brewed in honor of a Quail Distributing employee named Jeff McCarty who passed away last month. As if that wasn’t unfortunate enough his wife was left with some very hefty medical bills. Friends of mine have had a few scares and close calls with their own medical issues recently but they’ve been lucky enough to make it through and I’ve been lucky enough to still have them in my life. So I can’t imagine what it would be like to suffer the loss of someone I love and still have to worry about meeting the financial obligations afterward.

Because of this several people of the Arizona beer/booze scene came together to do what they do best and help take care of their own. Party For McCarty was brewed not just to honor a man’s life and his decades of work in the restaurant and distribution industry. It is also intended to alleviate some of the medical debt left behind. The revenue from the beer sale is being donated to Jeff’s family.

My friends at Quail Distributing collaborated with the AZ Craft Brewers Guild and several local businesses to brew a hazy, 9% ABV double IPA with organic honey and orange zest. I’ve already tried the beer and can confirm that it is fantastic. That should have been expected considering the people who were involved in making it. It was brewed at Scottsdale Beer Company with assistance from North Mountain Brewing in Phoenix as well as 1912 Brewing Company in Tucson. Page Spring Cellars, an excellent winery from Cornville out in the Verde Valley, and Wild Tonic Jun Kombucha also contributed to its creation.

This blog has existed for over three years now and in that time I’ve come to realize how spoiled we are in the Arizona booze scene. I specifically write “booze” because the great people I’ve met during my time as a blogger aren’t just part of the craft beer business. Our local wineries, distillers and whatever you call Kombucha makers are also part of our family. And though I personally didn’t know Jeff McCarty I know what it feels like to lose a member of the family.

So please, drink a few pints of Party For McCarty if you see it on tap. It won’t be hard to find. It’s on tap at 44 locations throughout Arizona now. Scroll down to see the full list.

Salud, everybody. And thanks to everyone in Arizona who supports the local community. Not just booze. Anyone who opens a local restaurant, art shop, etc. has my respect and admiration. And I’ll continue to do everything I can to offer my support as well.

Party For McCarty is available at these locations:
1702

1912 Brewing Co.

Arizona Beer House

Bottleshop 48

Boulders On Broadway

Brass Tap – Gilbert

Brass Tap – Mesa

Casual Pint – Chandler

Casual Pint – Phoenix

Craft 64

Divided Wine

GCM

Ground Control

Hops On Birch

Hungry Monk

Kings Beer & Wine

Mellow Mushroom – High St.

Mellow Mushroom – Mesa

MOTO

Noble Hops

North Mountain Brewing Co.

O.H.S.O. – Scottsdale

Park Plaza Liquors

Pig & Pickle

Reilly Craft

Scottsdale Beer Co.

Serial Grillers

Sip Coffee & Beer Garage

Sip Coffee & Beer House

Sip Coffee & Beer Kitchen

Skeptical Chymist

Tap & Bottle – North

Tap & Bottle – South

Tarbell’s

Tavern Americana

The Wandering Tortoise

The Whining Pig – Arcadia

The Whining Pig – Ahwatukee

The Whining Pig – DT Phoenix

The Whining Pig – Gilbert

The Attic

Tipsy Cactus

Tops Liquors

Tucson Hop Shop

Located at 5803 S Sossaman Rd, Mesa, AZ 85212
Open Mon-Thurs 10a-10p; Fri 10a-11p; Sat 7a-11p; Sun 7a-10pm
www.barriobrewingmesa.com

Barrio Brewing Co. in Tucson is one of Arizona’s oldest microbreweries now that they’ve been around for over a decade. The craft beer scene didn’t really explode here until about 2014 and back then there were only around fifty breweries in the entire state.

The Classy Alcoholic has been around since before Barrio even opened their doors. The Barrio beer that we’re all familiar with now used to be made at a place called Gentle Ben’s right next to the University of Arizona. That’s where a 21-year-old Classy had his first sip of craft beer. It was 2007 and I went with a group of friends to this joint that had a bunch of strange-ass beers on the menu. I ordered the lightest option because it was the safest and looked like the closest thing resembling a Tecate. That ended up being what we now refer to as Barrio Blonde…but at that time it was just called the Tucson Blonde.

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